My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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