Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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