4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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