My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
