I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
