I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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