I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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