We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
