I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
