There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
