Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
