I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
