I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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