Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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