question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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