This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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