a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am naked and annoyed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
