I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
