I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
