I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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