He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
