no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And then he peed in my hair
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
