I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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