He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
