don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
