I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
