There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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