I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
