They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
