So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize