Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
