I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
