you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i've created a new STD.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
