If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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