my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
