he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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