Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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