What a fucking waste of an outfit
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
