did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
