I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
