Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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