If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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