JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
