You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
