May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
