So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
