pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
