I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
