Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
handjob tips. give me some.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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