Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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