Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
