i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
