I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
