I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
