im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
how drunk are you?
Several
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
