It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
