watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
