what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
