dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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