So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
only you would photoshop your dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
