That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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