There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
