OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
