ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
