You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
