i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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