i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
