:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
