Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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