Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
