Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
