you guys were way drunker than both of me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
