can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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