ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
