1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
