You can't special order awesome
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
