I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
