i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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