dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
