why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude i'm inner monologue high
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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