Me too!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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