Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
