where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
