If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
