My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
