And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have aggressive nipples.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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